incantrix: (Default)
Take a pair of skis, add a snow slope which makes them go at over 100mph and the put a blind guy in them.......The mental picture I have is soooo funny (comlete with guide dog)

I've got This Morning on and MUST hear more about this. (yes, I know I'm sad)
incantrix: (Default)
If you had me alone, locked up in your house for twenty-four hours and I had to do whatever you wanted me to, what would you have me do? All comments will be permanently screened because it's a secret. Then repost this in your LJ. You might be surprised with the responses you get.
incantrix: (Default)
Anyone know why my monitor is out of focus and how I can get the lettering clear? The icons and images seem fine. I have not been drinking, it really is blurry :(
incantrix: (Default)
Happy Birthday [profile] sinnymaker !!!!!!!
incantrix: (Default)
A very Hoppy Buffday to my lovely [profile] darkratbat
incantrix: (Default)
Copied from [profile] madmage01 following a link on netgoth

40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN
(Some Men Really Need To Read This)


1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her
feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
foreplay.



2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to
extinguish
the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.



3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you
rake
repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head
from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.



4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they
get
their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.



5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're
trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive.
They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your
tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.



6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and
thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on
the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.



7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and
West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've
ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So
start paying them some attention.



8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled
fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask
her
to take the damn things off.



9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.



10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along

side of the clitoris.



11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they

plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep

going at all costs, numb jaw or not.



12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the
waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant
present,
not a kid's toy.



13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the
material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.



14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still
believe
that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there
than
you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in
principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried
away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of
her
vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her
and see if she likes it.



15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in
the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.



16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move
toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of
buttons.



17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first.



18) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can
do
is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an
assembly line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly,
with
clean, straight, regular thrusts.



19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach,
the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few
seconds.



20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites
of
her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.



21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the
mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina.
At
least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her
interest while you're playing Marathon Man.



22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you
really don't know, don't ask



23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth
down
there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her
clitoris.



24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it
will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about
three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to
use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.



25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes
it.
When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do
what's
necessary.



26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie
there. And don't grab her head.



27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over
them.
In real life, it just means more laundry to do.



28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does
all
the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so
much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.



29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow
directions.
If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being
drunk
is an excuse.



30) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the
words"__to
show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.



31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring
honey
on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all
handy
props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.



32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.



33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a
Romanian
gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner
with snapped hamstrings.



34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they
have
a prostate. Women don't.



35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the
neck,
if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and
jaunty
scarves for weeks on end.



36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big
turn-on.



37) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900line.
If
she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know



38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and
she
might even do the same for you.



39) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too
heavily, she will turn blue.



40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a
soup kitchen.




Feel free to add your own :)
incantrix: (Default)
I'm selling a ton of CDs and videos as I 'm moving house, most are BUY IT NOW. Grab a bargain before Christmas. As I'm going away on holiday on the 21st so I've listed them as 'immediate payment only'. However, if you can guarentee payment by cheque/PO/cash (at own risk)/NOCHEX then let me know :) Thanks and Happy Christmas!!!

AUCTIONS
incantrix: (Default)
stolen from kepplar


See my comment statistics )
incantrix: (Default)
I'm having a major sort out prior to a house move in the New Year and here's the first lot (kid's videos mainly) including FULL housing/fascia for a Motorola V500 V525 in a lovely girlie pink.

I'll be listing more things in the coming days. Please bid and don't make me have to take it all with me :)

All auctions
incantrix: (Default)
HUGS N HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO  [livejournal.com profile] nniaa
incantrix: (Default)
The hand of bad luck has once again slapped me across the face........and then punched me on the nose. I took the kids to the dentist this afternoon after school and a quick trip to Tesco and all was looking good. We even drove along the street where the house I mentioned in my last post was. When we got to the dentist I tried to lock the car with the remote central locking thingy on the key.......nothing. I thought it was just the battery in the key which had run out but on returning to the car 20 minutes or so later I found that things were definately more serious. No central locking to open the car so I did it the old fashioned way of key in lock.......no light when I opened the door..........absolutely NOTHING when I tried to start the car........no dashboard lights or anything....... total electrical deadness. On our walk home which, thankfully, wasn't far, I encountered a mobile machanic working on a car so I asked him about what he thought could be wrong with my car. After 'umming' and speculating on 'loose wires/connections' he said it was probably the battery which had spontaniously died, which is what I thought seeing as a) the battery is old and b) frezing weather has well and truely descended. He could get me a new battery *and* fit it for 'ummmmm, not more than £95'. I could hardly control the urge to say 'you what????!!!!! HOW MUCH???!!!!!'. I know I can get a battery for just over £30.

After getting home I called my mechanic Vince who is away tomorrow and can't look at the car until Thursday morning, he also strongly suspects the battery has given up. I then went to order a new one from www.eurocarparts.com who are THE BEST place to get car parts IMO. Only £22..50 +VAT!!!! WOOT!!! I'll have one of those I thought.......then I noticed the small print....Batteries cannot be sent mail order NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I will now wait for Vince to look at my car on Thursday (If it is still outside the dentist's) and then probably have to pay around £40 for a local battery.

I hope this hiccup in transportation doesn't mean we will lose out on the new house because we can't get to see it as soon as we'd like. I hate my car at times, it's being a HUGE money pit atm Tax=£170, Accident repair and 2 new tyres=£295, battery=£40, Having to walk everywhere in the frezing cold with a snotty nose and hacking cough=Priceless :(
incantrix: (Default)
My auctions are ending in the next 24 hours or so. Please bid, I've just got a hefty car repair bill to pay :(
Click here for velvet dress, videos and xbox Prince of Persia game
Click here for fabric including Hello Kitty

X posted
incantrix: (Default)
Well, it was bound to happen one day, and Saturday was that day. I was involved in a road accident thanks to a woman who seemed to see lane markings as a pretty distraction to driving. Instead of continuing *around* to the next exit, she came across to take the exit next to where I was. I slammed on the brakes and could do nothing but watch as she slid into my front wing >_< Then I heard sirens and thought 'that's all I need, stuck in the middle of Gallows Corner with speeding emergency vehicles wanting my piece of road' thankfully the ambulance had seen the little prang and was just checking that we were all ok. After having a little chat they gave the girls a load of sweets and lollies they left.

The woman's car had a damaged bumper and a cracked windsreen wash bottle and my car has a dent in the front wing...not serious at all. This has prompted me to get new tyres and have the balancing/tracking done, which is something i have been meaning to do for a couple of months. Insurance company has been contacted, but I won't be making a claim and I have been assured that my no claims bonus is safe *phew*.

The main thing is, nobody was hurt ( my broken nail doesn't count), but what really suprised me was my lack of shock...... I wasn't left shaking or anything. Why? Surely I should have had adrenalin pumping through my system and even though it was a minor incident and my kids and Lexx were fine (i don't think the kids even noticed) it would have taken a while for my body to calm down. Anyway, my mechanic, Vincent, is picking the car up tomorrow to sort out the tyres and wheels. She's handling like a drunk pig at the mo and I hope it's nothing more serious than the tracking being totally knocked out. *crosses fingers, toes and legs*

incantrix: (Default)
I have an excuse to watch some daytime tv today, which may or may not be a good thing. There is a very good reason for this bit of couch potatoness, some of Lexx's Transformer figure collection will be on This Morning (the Philip & Fern thingy on ITV1 at 10.30). He had a phone call from Hasbro who make the toys asking if they could borrow 5 of the older toys for a feature on collectable toys. A courier came to pick up the box at 7pm. He was such a frail old boy that we wondered how he ever got the job. Thankfully they're fully insured for their little trip as the 5 figures are worth over £700, they're not even Lexx's most valuable ones. I was shocked when Lexx told me the entire collection is worth in excess of £125k O_O Certainly a costly way of cluttering up the bedroom with boxes.

Anyway, watch This Morning if you can, the piece itself will only be a minute long.
incantrix: (Default)
It's been 3 WEEKS since the new laptop was taken back to the factory and I still have no news on when it will be returned. All Medion have said is they had been waiting for a part to be delivered from Germany and they would text me the day before it was brought back and that was a week ago. It's damn near impossible to do anything on this 600mhz PC and my other laptop has no ethernet card socket for a net connection. *sigh*

NTL phoned to offer us 12 months free internet if we didn't cancel our subscription. TBH, it's too little, too late. A working phone over last christmas/new year last year would have been better, not to mention a reliable broadband connection. AOL may be [a lot] more expensive, but their customer service is a hell of a lot better and it means we can use the wireless connections.
incantrix: (Default)
We watched THE most fantastic film last night, which was Casshern. The look, story and soundtrack was just mindblowingly awesome and I order you all to watch it!!!! This isn't your usual wierd Japanese or techie sci-fi movie, it's soooooo MIND BLOWINGLY well made in every aspect. I just hope Hollywood doesn't get it's hands on it and totally ruins it as they have recently done with The Grudge and Dark Water.
 
BEG, STEAL OR BORROW THIS FILM...JUST WATCH IT!!!!!!

Oh and I shelled £170 out on a year's Road Tax :(
incantrix: (Default)
We catalogued all of our DVDs and it only took a couple of hours. We have 304, including the kids' ones YAY!!!

dvd list )
incantrix: (Default)
So far I have tried a few .avi to DVD converters and ALL bar one cause my laptop to shutdown after a few minutes. The only one which is working so far is a trial version of Boilsoft, which leaves a watermark in the middle of every frame. I'm currently downloading a full version.

I reset my laptop to factory settings to see if the problem was due to a software conflict. Unless the programs are conflicting with XP itself, I have no idea what the problem is. Just seems strange that all these programs are messing up.

Any recomendations of converters are recomended. So far I have used WinAVI, Cucusoft and AOA.

kthx

EDIT: I spoke too soon. Boilsoft has the same result >_
incantrix: (Default)
It's not really goth related, but some of you may be interested. I'm listing a ton of cotton fabric. Hello Kitty and some haloween designs will also be listed soon. If you're interested in some hello kitty before I list it, let me know. It'll be £2 for a FQ (18"x24" approx) plus 55p P&P and 15p for each extra piece (UK only).

eBay listings
incantrix: (Default)
Apparently, the new 'in' thing for interiors is neo gothic. Thank god Changing Rooms has been axed. The thought of people with no imagination of their own converting the lounges of their suburban semis into pseudo gothic grottos makes me shudder.

I think I could find room for this though........that was if I had a spare £2050. It would be more fun to find a tatty, cheap old victorian style chair at an auction/second hand shop and set it alight myself  *bwahahahaha*
Page generated Sep. 24th, 2017 10:18 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios